Eskişehir Acıbadem Hospital Specialist Clinical Psychologist Beste Çokaygil mentioned that men and women should spend time and effort in a healthy relationship for a happy and long-lasting marriage and gave tips for a happy marriage. Psychologist Çokaygil, who stated that the basis of marriages is the aim of happiness and long-term togetherness, said, “However, from time to time, various problems may arise in marriage due to economic, social or special circumstances; Couples who marry with great love may get bored with each other after a certain period of time or regret their marriage.
“It is not right to say accusatory words”
Psychologist Çokaygil, who stated that being able to express feelings and thoughts plays a role in strengthening the bonds of spouses, said, “While conveying these, the decrease in respect in marriage and the negative content of the language and words used show that the boundaries regarding behavior are lost. Being offended, unresponsive, talking loudly, shouting and physical violence are the main signs that the boundaries need to be redrawn. Not an accusatory statement like "You are like this, you are like this", but an expression like "This situation made me feel like this" allows you to express yourself more," he said.
“Don't try to change”
Emphasizing that everyone has positive and negative personality traits, Psychologist Çokaygil said that it is necessary to focus on the positive and good aspects of the spouses, not the negative ones; Instead of trying to change the negative characteristics, he stated that showing tolerance, possible problems and fights can be prevented.
“Your spouse should also spend time with their friends”
Psychologist Çokaygil, who states that spouses who feel deprived of what you want to achieve as a separate individual while sharing a life for two people, have entered the "personal space" boundaries, said, "In a healthy marriage, both men and women should be able to create their own private spaces. When both parties want to be alone, they should be able to perform different activities they like and spend time with a different circle of friends where they can talk and have trouble. "You shouldn't try to keep your spouse from doing the activities they love or from meeting with their own circle of friends," he said.
“Listening is not waiting to speak”
Stressing that really listening and waiting to speak are not the same thing, psychologist Çokaygil said: “Speaking to justify yourself to your spouse does not eliminate the problems. Listened with respect, your partner will tend to settle problems rather than desire to be right or wrong. Remember, knowing that your spouse is really listened to and wanted to be understood will strengthen the relationship between you.”
“I have all the responsibilities” argument
Stating that the clear distribution of duties between spouses is of great importance for the realization of healthy communication and continuity, Psychologist Çokaygil said, “If duties and responsibilities are not determined, various discourses such as 'All responsibilities are on me' become inevitable and discussions begin to emerge. If there is a border violation in household chores, in maintaining the income-expenditure balance, in completing the deficiencies, rearrange the balance. Try to make these distributions not in the form of coercion, but within the framework of respect.”
“Don't put every problem inside you”
Expressing that thoughts such as "Realize your mistake" after the problems experienced only damage the relationship, delay the solution of problems and cause loss of time, the tolerance level of those who do not take steps to solve the problems with the worry of "If I take too long, the problems will get bigger" and do not share with their spouse is lower. happens at the level. Putting every problem inside you will eventually turn you into someone who can't stand even small things. Instead of ignoring the problems experienced, going for a solution constructively will wear out the spouses less mutually.
